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  • Elsi Valeriana

What truly feels good for me

Updated: Jan 22, 2022

This manifestation prayer was first published on my instagram @elsi.the.allmighty 4th of August 2021

Picture: Jenny Virta, @jennyunelmavirta

.................... Me and my nervous system

The new best buddies

Having long discussions about what is good for us

Making up time for each other

Trusting and practicing understanding

My ego tends to be a bit judgemental and controlling

Some part of me is still not fully surrendering to my truth and desire..

.. which is to live a life with ever expanding calmness and pleasure and the path of least resistance.

Few days ago I read a post by my coach @suvi.pajarinen where she wrote:

”I wholeheartedly accept and embrace the fact that I am a femine woman. I own the inner knowing and embodied truth that my core is femine and only femine.

I have detached myself from the concept that there is also inner masculine in women. I embrace both my yin and yang energies, but no more inner dude. I enjoy the relaxation and softness that this has brought into my being”

(You can read the whole post from her IG!)

And fuck I felt a strong sense of relief and surrender after I read that!!

Like finally I got a permission to let go of trying to be something I dont want to be

I dont want to be independent strong woman

I want to be a messy artist channelling the ethereal into material through art, writing and dancing who lives and loves with a masculine MAN

A fully feminine being

I try to create structure to my life only to let it all be banished again

And I know I cant do all this work by myself

And I dont even want to!🔥

What I truly desire is a fully masculine partner who supports me, gives me the container and protects me

I am so tired of protecting myself

I am so tired of trying to heal my inner masculine

When at the same time I have this feeling like ”I just dont want to do this. This does not nourish me. This is not for me!”

I want to have a partner to live this life with who can meet me at all levels.

One partner with whom I can dive as deep as a masculine and a femine can together.

I won’t let myself tell me that no one person can fullfill all my needs.

Not anymore.

Or that this is just conservative way of seeing the genders.

I do not care about the current social trends or paradigms - I care about my deepest desire. Of course I have to accept the fact that my desires are changing..

But right now I am ready to write it down:

I no longer let cultural norms or ego stories restrict how my life unfolds or what works best for me.

For sure there is the one who matches with my desire.

The one I am calling in right now.

The one grounded enough in his masculine that he has the desire to be the protector and the provider for one woman - me.

And our future family.

And the community where we will be living.

Creating the new world together.

I know you are there somewhere, looking for me.

I am so ready in all my incompletedness to be held by you.

I know you will make me safe and from that place I have so much to give to you and us.

Lets finally meet and melt into a divine union.

I have faith in us.

With love, Elsimaria
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